doritos and boxed wine = pure classiness

I'm currently sitting in my new apartment, eating raamen noodles with chopsticks and sipping coke zero out of a bottle with a straw. That's how they do it in Taiwan; every time I purchase my 20 ounces of delicious soda (which happens A LOT, if you don't know me) at a 7-11, the cashier gives me a straw. I usually just leave it on the counter, but I decided to embrace the Taiwanese way and suck down my Coke with a straw, and I kind of like it.
Straw = metaphor of embracing Taiwan's culture?
Meh, I'm too tired to work it out.
All I know is I love Coke Zero.

So back to where my last post left off...

Friday
Friday was absolutely fantastic.

Saturday was MITT2 (my training group)'s only day off, so we ventured to the Taipei brewery on Friday night to celebrate being half way done *cue Bon Jovi song*. It was fabulous. The place was packed with locals and our group of 40-some white people stuck out terribly, but whatever; we're used to it.

One of my coworkers, Alex, bought a mini-keg of beer and had each of us stand under the keg to pour beer into our open mouths. This was funny enough, but then he started getting the Taiwanese locals to join in. Some denied it, but some people actually tried it! I was cracking up; the Taiwanese are so reserved and conservative, but they were letting their hair down tonight, especially after seeing how much fun all the crazy drunk white people were having.

chug chug chug!

Awesome.

The brewery hired a band to play. I think they were supposed to be a hard-rock / punk-rock band, but seriously, who can take a band that sings in Chinese seriously as a hard-rock band? Also, the guitarist looked like Jesus. Asian Jesus. Check the poster.

We crazy white people started dancing on the tables to the band, who started playing some English music. Classic hard rock songs, of course, like Lady Gaga and Avril Lavigne. We got some of the locals to join us, but most probably thought we were crazy. They kept taking pictures us. I can only imagine them uploading them on facebook and the comment they write underneath. "Look! Drunk white people acting ridiculous! WOW!"

Someone who frequently goes to the brewery told us it is NEVER as crazy as that. I don't care how conceited I may sound, but we MADE that brewery amazing.

We went to a club after. It was okay, nothing too snazzy.

Saturday
On my day off, I did something really special.
I got a shot.
At 8 am.
Fantastic.

I then went down to LuZhou, where I'm going to be working, to check out potential housing. I thought I'd be in a tiny apartment, but most of the places we viewed weren't much smaller than an apartment in the states and were cheaper than 300 US dollars a month.

How did I take my tour of LuZhou, did you ask? Oh, you know, straddling my future boss, a 50 year old heavy South African guy, on the back of a scooter. Yep, awkward. That's the popular thing here in Taiwan, scooters. They are fun, but the Taiwanese don't follow traffic laws and I'm constantly fearing death when riding on them.

Post-boss-straddle, I hopped on the bus back home and got pizza and watched Mulan. Yep, I watched Mulan while in Asia. Yesss.
LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS... TO DEFEAT.... THE HUNS.

During the Pizza Hut venture I almost lost my wallet, which included my license, bank cards, all cash I had on me, you know, my entire life. This story probably surprises 0% of people reading this.

Sunday - Tuesday
Sunday was not off, unfortunately. Hess training started once again. I died a little on the inside.

Wednesday
GRADUATION!!! Wednesday was day 9 of 9 of training. We finished by having a graduation ceremony, where we celebrated by drinking boxed wine and eating Doritos, which is probably the most classy way I have ever heard of for graduating in style.

Then we went over to a karaoke place, or KTV, as it is referred to here. I don't get what the big deal is about karaoke, but whatevs, I'll do it. It was fun for an hour or two, especially since I will not be able to see many of the friends I've made in the training group for a while. Why not spend our last moments screaming our little hearts out to Barbie Girl and Smashmouth? My favorite part about KTV is that they play these really awkward videos of white people from the 90s posing dramatically while the wind blows through their hair and they look angsty and stoic. I think that if this whole English teaching thing doesn't work out, I shall strive to find this job.

Our trainers went out with us too, which was awkward but I guess awesome. It felt kind of like when you're walking through Target and you see your high school math teacher buying laundry detergent and you feel extremely uncomfortable because math teachers don't buy laundry detergent, they just live in the classroom and do calculus. But then you realize that, eh, okay math teacher, you can buy some detergent because you are a decent person but let's not look each other in the eye and if anyone asks, this never happened.

We later went out to a Taiwanese club. I don't remember much at this point.

Thursday
I woke up still drunk (classy, eh?) and picked up everything dispersed in the hotel room. My boss picked me up in a taxi and dropped me off at the apartment I'm staying at. I'm living with a British girl named Amelia who has been here a few months. The apartment isn't great, but it's quite cheap. I don't know if I can handle no AC though... a;sdglkjasds;lgkajsd;

Since LuZhou, or LuChou, or LuJhou, or however the fuck the Taiwanese decide on spelling it, is a smaller city compared to Taipei, it has been a different experience. For lunch, I felt extremely adventurous and wanted a cultural experience of Taiwanese food so I walked over to KFC. Unlike in Taipei, where people saw my clearly not Taiwanese appearance and either didn't speak to me at all or attempted English, LuZhouians speak to me in Chinese. I never know what they are saying. I JUST WANT A DAMNED KETCHUP PACKET QUIT IT WITH THE CHONG WONG LING!? Seriously though, I want to learn Mandarin. I hate being here and not knowing it and it's such a waste to not attempt to learn the language.

People are staring at me more than they did in Taipei, mostly little children and old creepy men. Foreigners aren't common in Taipei and basically unheard of in LuZhou. So far, I've been in a good mood, and it's cute to wave at the kids who stare because they get so excited to see the giant, blue-eyed, hairy woman freak (they don't even have hair on their arms here...) acknowledging them. I can tell this is going to get old though.

I got a phone too. Every time I make calls, no matter the number, some angry lady picks up and yells at me in Chinese. Fuck. I can text people in the US though, so I'll put up my number soonish.

It's weird. Training felt more like a holiday - now I'm officially here. I have an apartment. I have a phone. I am getting a resident visa. What did I get myself into? I went into my school to observe a teacher today. I live about 10 minutes away walking distance and have to turn once to get to my school. It took me about 40 minutes to get there and I turned probably 20 times. Again, this should surprise 0% of people reading this.

I have so much to write about Taiwan, like the old people who do the macarena at 6am in the parks, but I'll leave it for later when less new stuff is happening.

Opposite of ni hao.