floating around my facebook

This.

the doctors here think we're all drunks

Since I'm leaving Taiwan in less than 2 months (!!!!!!), I think my body is thinking, "Welp, better get sick AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE to enjoy the health care while it lasts!" as I'm bed ridden for the second time in less than a month. The Taiwanese doctor told me I had a 'gastronomical inflammation', which, according to Google, doesn't even exist. But I've surely got something, as yesterday I awoke to projectile vomiting a la Exorcist. When I saw the doctor and told him about my puke-age, he asked, "Did you drink wine last night?". "...No." He looked at me funny and asked again, "Are you sure?" Thanks doc, but I'm pretty sure at the age of 24 I can tell a hangover from actual sickness. Taiwanese people think every single white person in Taiwan is drunk every single night and possibly every single hour of the day. When in actuality, us white folk are only drunk SIX DAYS OF THE WEEK GEESH COME ON. Anyway, once he decided I'm not a drunkard and I actually was sick, he gave me some meds and sent me on my way.


As I've mentioned time and time again, Taiwanese health care is amazing. I have a 2 hour break in between my kindergarten classes and I slipped into the clinic in that break without an appointment, saw the doctor and got 4 types of meds all in less than 10 minutes. And they spoke English, which isn't a given in Taiwan. Success!


So, I'm stuck in bed on this rainy Saturday, wasting time by blogging and googling "what is a marshmallow?" because really, what is a marshmallow? I thought about it because last Tuesday, during our "Typhoon day" (see last blog post) I went out to a BBQ buffet with some friends. They served marshmallows with the intention of using them with their chocolate dip, but being Americans, we decided to roast them over the grill with toothpicks. We got some strange looks, so I had a moment of sudden clarity - the rest of the world doesn't know what s'mores are! What a terrible life! Yeah ok, you can see the doctor whenever you like, Taiwanese people, but do you understand the absolute brilliance of roasting a marshmallow? Of making an oh-so-delicious s'more? I think not! Or, for the daring, adding a Reese's cup instead (or in addition to) the Hershey's chocolate bar. I'm practically drooling on my screen as I type.


Thus far, the scores are this. Taiwan: 1. US: 1. Though S'mores should count for at least 1.3 points, so really it's Taiwan: 1. US: 1.3. HA WE'RE WINNING.


Back to this BBQ buffet. They're extremely popular in Taiwan, and for a reason, because they're freaking amazing. This is how they work: You get a group of people together and sit at a table with a grill in the middle. The places we go to are all-you-can-eat, because we're Americans and we like obesity, but there's the option of paying for each item at some restaurants. The ones I go to are usually between 500-600 NT, or 15-20 US$. Each restaurant works differently, but I'll describe this good Korean one I've been to three times. At this restaurant, you get a receipt looking thing with three columns. It's got about 50 items, so if you wanted the maximum amount of food, you could order all 50 things 3 times and get a total of 150 food items. So, I guess it's not technically all-you-can-eat. But close enough. Our table of four hungry American girls barely conquered 2 columns on last Tuesday. For some reason, as Taiwanese people are quite skinny, Taiwanese eat even more than most foreigners I know, so maybe they can reach that 3rd column? Anyway, most of the menu is raw meat, though there are some things like grilled peppers, mushrooms, or mozzarella sticks that you can order. 


You check off the items you want and the waiters come back with a tray of raw meat and you grill it yourself at your table. There is some food you can get at a buffet, like kimchi, sushi, rice, and fruit, but the bulk of it is grilled in front of you. Most places we go to also include all-you-can-drink beer in the price. As it's Taiwan, most Taiwanese either don't drink or do drink but have a low tolerance for alcohol so can't drink much anyway. So, the restaurants can include this and still make money. This obviously isn't the case with the foreigners (Americans, Canadians, British, Australians, etc) as we make sure to get our moneys worth. Then, to make matters even more amazing, you get unlimited hard serve ice cream for dessert. And good quality stuff too - usually Haagen dasz. And of course, our make-shift s'mores, though we might have been the first and only people to ever do that.


The tables with grills:

The food:

And lastly, a shameless plug for a writing project my friend and I are doing where 5 girls get together and each write a chapter of a novella. Enjoy.

snow in June?

SNOW DAY IN TAIWAN!!!!


Ok, so it doesn't actually snow here. Especially not in June. It just rains excessively to the point of closing all schools in Taipei, so I'm home all day. I'd be ridiculously pumped, but I actually get paid by the hour here, so that means I lose a full day of pay. And I'm super broke currently. You know why? Because I bought my effing flight back home this week, that's why!

That's right, after 2 years of not setting foot on American soil, I will be making my triumphant return late on August 18th. To make matters even more awesome, I got a basically free flight to Korea on the way back. Because a one-way flight from Taipei to Chicago or Grand Rapids costs approximately one first born child, it's around the same price to book a flight from Taipei to Seoul and then Seoul to GR. FREE VACATION!

With the economy in Spain looking worse by the week, and still hearing no word from the Spanish government (keep in mind they told me they'd make placements in mid-April), Australia is looking like the next plan. What am I going to do there? Fuck if I know. And fuck if I care. Bar-tending for 6 months near the beaches of Melbourne (my hopeful destination, though it's too far off to decide ) sounds WAY better than any big girl job I'd get back home. And with a minimum wage of 15$/hour there, Australia sounds pretty appealing now.

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I haven't been doing anything super exciting in Taiwan recently. Really, now that I have a Chinese tutor and a gym membership, the only things I do are work, study, and workout. I'm mentally ready to go home. I do really love teaching my students and will miss them greatly, and I think Taiwan is a fantastic country with lovely people, but I'm ready to go home.


Now that I think about it, I did go to the beach a few weeks back and attempt surfing again. I went last year to Yilan beach in the north of Taiwan, and decided it was time to head back and try my hand at surfing again.

Now for the pictures of me surfing!

Oh wait. I couldn't even get up on the board. Once.


Oh well, I guess there'll be plenty of time to learn in Australia...




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Update, I just got this e-mail.

The Taiwan Central Weather Bureau has issued an island-wide “Extremely Heavy Rain Advisory” with the central and southern regions of the island expected to be hardest hit. Heavy rains are expected to continue across Taiwan into the weekend. The Taipei City Government has announced closing of roads and businesses effective immediately. The strong possibility of flash flooding and landslides exist, especially in the mountainous central areas of the island. All American citizens in Taiwan are strongly advised to avoid unnecessary travel and to monitor local media outlets for the latest news and instructions.


Geesh, apparently the weather is much worse than I thought here!

sometimes Taiwan > US

Time for some Taiwan lovin'.


The US and Taiwan have COMPLETELY different systems of health care. Here's Taiwan's case: On Monday, I walked by a health clinic on my lunch break (I work at two schools and have to walk between them) and decided on a whim to visit a doctor. I had been feeling weak and tired with cold-like symptoms for a long time and didn't seem to be getting better. I walked in, no appointment, and saw a doctor within minutes. He told me what I had (acute upper respiratory infection), prescribed 6 different types of medicine, and sent me off to get an injection from a nurse. After the shot, I walked up to the pharmacy counter at the clinic and grabbed my medicine. The whole process took less than 15 minutes and I spent less than 10 US$. Again, I had no appointment and just walked in because I happened to pass by the clinic on my walk to work.


I compare that to back home, where I recently read an article about a man with a spotless criminal record who robs a bank in North Carolina for 1 US$ just so he can get the free healthcare in prison. He was THAT desperate.


What?


I don't understand why we have such terrible health care and I especially don't understand why so many of our citizens are against changing our current system.


I'm so spoiled here; how will I ever be able to go back?

i-i-i-i work out

Time for more life updates.

Last Friday was my 24th birthday. Unfortunately, I had to work Saturday morning at 7:30, so I didn't really do anything special. Now that I'm approaching old age and will soon be retiring and getting arthritis and adult diapers and all that fun stuff, I decided not to make a big deal of it. My ridiculously expensive concert tickets from the last blog post were my birthday present to myself. My students all remembered and gave me some things I'm pretty sure they stole from their house as gifts, but it was incredibly sweet nonetheless. My Saturday morning was filled with a performance by my very nervous 2nd and 3rd graders. I wrote a simplified version of the story Rumpelstiltskin into a play fit for young ESL students with allusions galore to Jeremy Lin and Michael Jackson. 

They seriously go apeshit for this guy here.

They sang two Glee songs and a Bon Jovi song too, and were super adorable. I'm pretty sure the Brothers Grimm originally envisioned their fairy tale being accompanied by Pat Benetar Glee-remakes, hence the songs. Being the rockstar teacher I am, I knew the true way to getting them to work to their full abilities: I bribed them with promises of pizza, ice cream, and soda in class on Monday.

Also, as some of you know, I have officially told everyone in Taiwan that I'll be leaving sometime in August. I applied to work as a language assistant in Spain, specifically Madrid, from October - June. My dear friend / ex-roommate, Erica, currently works in Madrid and told me about the program. It's not so much a competitive program, but rather first-come first-serve for positions. Based on previous year's data, I thought for sure I'd get in and that I'd get placed in Madrid. However, due to Spain's financial crisis, they cut funding to the program and only a fraction of the people got in this year compared to last year. I haven't given up hope yet, as I'm officially wait listed and could hear back in the next month or two (or later), but I'm anxiously wanting to figure out what I'm doing next year. Taiwan is out. Really, I'm kind of Asia-ed out, so Korea or any other country here is out. I'm looking into doing a year-long work holiday in Australia now as a back-up plan. I'd like to do a program like this, though this is in Sydney and I'm thinking of Melbourne instead. 

Who knows. Maybe seconds after I post this, I'll get an e-mail from the Spanish government offering me a job. Or maybe they'll never e-mail me, and I'll end up in Australia. Or back home, living in a cardboard box. 

In other, more exciting news, I've lost some weight! I recently got approached to do some modeling - just for fun, not for money or anything, and just got the pictures back. I think you can really see the difference in my face, so I'll post them here.

Here's one the fattest pictures I can find of me. EW EW EW. Taken maybe... September 2011ish?

And here some of the photos from my shoot (taken at a "haunted house!") taken last week.

Woohoo! I've still got plenty left to lose, but I've been spending about 15 hours a week working out to get rid of those last stubborn pounds. I stopped eating all Taiwanese food (ughhh did it fatten me) and drinking (temporarily, though my birthday/Gaga was worth an exception).

that one time I saw Lady Gaga's butt in real life

So guess whose naked bum I recently saw!? LADY GAGA'S!!!

How did it feel? The concert, not her ass. Well, something like this.

And this.

And a little this at times.

And it all made me do lots of this.

Mmk, got my reaction gifs quota for the day. Onto my pictures (stolen from my friends, since my camera took too much viagra and the lens is stuck up):


The stage:

Not sure how she shipped her Gaga castle here, but it was pretty sweet.


The crowd:

A surprisingly high percentage of dudes. Obviously, Gaga has a huge following from the gay community, but I couldn't believe that there were probably just as many guys as girls in attendance.

The props:

This motorcycle had a piano on it, which she played for us.

Also here is a couch. Made out of Lady Gaga's ex boyfriends, named Alejandro, Roberto, and Fernando.

And here is a gay orgy on said couch.

The creepy Lady Gaga head for when she needed to change outfits in between songs.

The outfits:

Not pictured: the meat outfit. Also not pictured in props: the meat grinder she shoved herself into while her dancers "cranked" her out.

The outfits we wore:

Please note my trucker hat with "TAIPEI" obnoxiously bedazzled across the front, my shirt of a tiger wearing a top hat with excessive sequins and diamond eye balls, silver leggings (WORN AS PANTS EWWW) with pink tennis shoes, and fake pink glasses. 

We did not plan on all wearing bling-ed out tiger shirts and had no idea that we all had tiger tops until the day of the concert. MOST AWESOME COINCIDENCE EVER.

Victoria bought a flashing Gaga bow outside the concert.

Dinner before the concert at a BBQ with Abe, who sadly could not attend the concert.

Striking poses of awesome.

Now, this is my first official concert I've gone to in Taipei. Concerts here are weird. First of all, we had a dinner at a BBQ place before the concert and we took our sweet time getting to the concert, figuring that if it started at 7:30, Gaga wouldn't come on until 9:30 or so. I even took the next morning off from work assuming I'd be out all night. But, when we got there at 7:45, Gaga was already singing. Whoops! Turns out it ended at 9:30.

Next of all, in typical Taiwan style, we got some "road beers" before the concert and no one cared that we brought them in with us. Let me first explain the amazingness of these so-called "road beers". In Taiwan, you can drink anywhere. Seriously, anywhere. Before we go out, we often stop at 7-11s and buy beer and drink it outside the store, looking seedy as hell. Few Taiwanese people actually do this, but many foreigners take advantage of the lax laws. People often leave night clubs and bars and buy beer from 7-11, drink it outside, then walk back to the club. There's a 7-11 near a bar that is often populated by foreigners that we name "Club 7" since there are almost more foreigners drinking outside of it than in the club itself.

Anyway, the concert people totally let us bring in our own beer. Now that I think of it, I don't even think they sold any beer at their concert.

And, no one checked our tickets. Our tickets were the third cheapest tickets (though still really freaking expensive!!) but we think we sat in seats better than what our tickets were. I don't know. No one showed us where to sit or checked our seats, we just sat down randomly.

Since it is a Gaga concert, of course there should be much dancing (and the road beers only amplified that desire). So once we got in and found our seats that weren't really our seats, we threw our stuff down and jumped on top of our chairs to get our groove on. But the workers came by and told us to get off the chairs. Ok, fair enough. So we stood up and watched the concert. Until the workers came by and told us to sit down. Um, wut. Sitting down? At a concert? WHAT? The Taiwanese people around us all sat down and people behind us complained. Seriously? Who sits down at a concert? I mean, this isn't a Mozart symphony, it's fucking Lady Gaga. She commanded us all to Just Dance. 

And finally, not really Gaga-related, but this picture was taken after the concert when we were on the MRT and it basically sums up Taipei for you. Men, proudly sporting their Hello Kitty man-bags. This is not uncommon whatsoever. I'm pretty sure I have more testosterone than some of these Taiwanese men. 

Shi ting in a race

I ran my first race a few weekends back in Taipei!! Only a 6k, but a big step for me since I've never ran one before.

As you can see by the above picture, we got our names printed on the race shirts. Most girls put their English names on their shirts, but a few put the pinyin version (English letter pronunciation of Chinese characters) of their Chinese name. It made the race slightly better to run by a girl whose name on the back of her shirt read, "Shi ting". 

 About 10,000 people entered the race, so we had to run quite slow. It was crazy crowded, even toward the end. 


Of course, there HAD to be some ridiculous people who ran with us. Only women could enter the race, but one girl walked the race with her boyfriend. Oh, and the boyfriend held her mini-poodle while she walked in jeans. IN AN EFFING 6K RACE. You couldn't leave your dog home for a few hours?? A lot of Taiwanese are OBSESSED with their dogs. Yeah, we Americans love our dogs and bring them in the car on occasion, or camping, to the beach, etc, but we don't bring them when we run races. Or to restaurants, grocery stores, school performances, and other weird places as many Taiwanese do. And they rarely put their dogs on leases. Oh, but they put their CATS on leashes, as I saw once at a breakfast shop near my house. I have yet to leash-train Potato though, don't worry. Though, I guess I did buy my guinea pig, Mufasa, a leash that one time.

I admit, I definitely would have walked him around campus had he not laid on the floor in protest every time I attempted to "walk" him.