even the sea mammals are good at math here - it must be all that tovigorafing.

I'm pretty sure I rarely post anything on this blog unless something weird happens.Yesterday qualified.

It started out as a normal, harmless trip to a different part of Taiwan. It's been a while since I ventured out of Taipei, but with the holidays, I got 2 Saturdays off in a row (the only 2 Saturdays I've had off in 5 months) and my liver was begging me to spare it one weekend, so a friend and I jumped on a bus to Yehliu, a tiny city located in Northern Taiwan. A few weeks back I attended a "barbecue" at a wine shop and befriended probably the only Spanish-speaking people on this island. They were in Taiwan because they were professional divers and worked at "Ocean World" in some diving show. Really, I feel like I'm the only one I know who goes to a wine shop in Taiwan for a barbecue and ends up friends with the only latinos in a 100 mile radius who happen to dress up like bees and dive from 75 foot things at Ocean World for a living. 

They lived in Yehliu and invited us to see their bee show. Ocean World started out with an aquarium with some of the ugliest underwater creatures I've ever seen in my life, along with some cool features, like being able to pet giant turtles and be electrocuted by ... things (I opted out of the electrocutions from unknown sea beasts).We were then escorted outside to watch our diver friends perform in the show.

First up were the seals. Just your average performing seals who get down and funky to Michael Jackson, make-out with their seal trainers and then get offended and shield their virgin seal eyes when the seal trainers try to strip for them.  

Then came the divers, full out in their bee costumes.One guy had (quite large) fake bee boobs that he shoved male member's of the audience face in while shimmying. Yep. Why bees? I don't know. The real question I want answered is not only why bees, but why transvestite bees? Do gender-confused bees prove to be more aerodynamically awesome when diving? 

The whole routine was in Chinese, which made it both awkward and amusing. They then performed a three-stooges-esque skit filled with so many stupid sound effects it would have put old school batman to shame. The Taiwanese entertainment industry loves their awful sound effects. During their TV shows the producers get paid on commission for how many sound effects they can play in one show and get extra bonuses for awkward placements. Their bosses also threaten to fire them if they don't cut into commercials in the middle of important speeches. Seriously, this one time I was watching the holiday classic Final Destination 7 and a knife was literally in the process of plunging into someone's throat and it cut into commercials. Knife plunge, dancing vitamin bottles, then BOOM knife in throat; no transition whatsoever. It did make for a better viewing of Final Destination 16 or whatever it was.

Amidst the bees strutting their stuff, they did some legit cool dives. 

After the questionable sea-lion show and the bee-porn, the show producers were like, "what else could we possibly add to make this better? hmmm.... DOLPHINS DOING MATH OF COURSE!" 

Not to be all stereotypical, but come on. It is Asia, after all. Of course even the sea mammals are good at math.


The show ended as all good shows do with a staff dance to a song from a Korean boy band. 
If interested, watch below.

On a completely related note, I purchased myself these zebra print leggings in attempts to feel more Taiwanese. I bought them 50% as a joke, 10% because I like them, and 40% because I am trying to persuade myself that I like them because it's Taiwanese when I, in reality, find them 86% hideous. I haven't worn them yet. I promise to report any and all unusual activities when wearing said leggings, such as being hit on by any zebras that have been freed from the zoo.

Along with zebra print leggings I also purchased this gem for a Christmas present for my little sister.

I leave you with this advice for the new year: It in natural that a thould fall in love are such a beautiful. Also, I hope you get plenty of fresh are and feel tovigorafed, as I often do.